On January 26, 2016, my husband and I found out we were pregnant! This was by far the happiest day of our life! I remember the excitement i felt and the love we had for this little baby we didn't even know yet. On February 19, 2016 we finally got to hear our baby's heart beat. That was a beautiful sound and one I will never forget it. Nor will I forget how excited and nervous i felt before each doctors appointment. Nervous because i wanted to make sure our little baby was ok but excited for another chance to hear his heartbeat. On May 18, 2016 we found out we were having a boy. I remember my husband crying during the ultrasound when we found out. We named him Kyrie. His name comes from Kyrie Irving, who is a basketball player. This was the next best day of our lives, but little did we know this was also the day things started to take a negative turn. During that same ultrasound Kyrie would not move out a corner of my belly and let the ultrasound tech measure him. So we were scheduled for another ultrasound 4 weeks later. The same thing happened at this appointment. So we were sent to a high risk specialist where they confirmed that he was measuring small for his gestational age, and my amniotic fluid was low. The next few appointments after this showed that Kyrie was gaining weight (slowly but he was gaining) and my fluid was starting to normalize. Through all of this Kyrie continued to fight! If I were asked to describe our son in one word I would say FIGHTER! He never gave up even when his mommy and daddy were so upset about the news of him not measuring where he should be. The months of June and July were hard on my husband and I as we continued to see a high risk specialist every other Wednesday. But honestly they were the best two months of my pregnancy as we got to experience Kyrie's personality day after day. Like how we used to call him greedy because every time i took a bite of food or a sip of drink he would instantaneously start kicking. He even seemed to be an acrobat at times as we watched him make what appeared to be waves in my belly! Oh and the times he would make my belly rise and fall as it appeared he was having a fun time inside my tummy! Lastly we have a 3D ultrasound video of him inside my tummy laughing, smiling, opening and closing his mouth, and eyes. Boy are we thankful for the opportunity we had to have this video made. Because Kyrie was measuring small for his gestational age, we ended up getting lots of testing done to see if we could find a cause. This included genetic testing which all came back negative, and showed that genetically Kyrie was ok. I remember talking to him all the time telling him son we need you to grow because mommy and daddy need you healthy and strong and we are worried about you. On July 27, 2016 i went into my ob's office and she put the fetal heart monitor on my belly to hear Kyrie's heart beat and it was there, strong and beautiful as always. The next day which was Thursday, I realized that I had not felt my sweet little boy move all day. However this wasn't abnormal, as Kyrie was what I called an active night time baby. He seemed to move the most when I got in the bed at night and his daddy was right there for him to kick! Some of the best memories I have is waking up in the middle of the night to my husband laughing. Of course I instantly thought what is wrong with him and why is he laughing to himself. The next morning which was Friday July 29,2016 I told my husband that I still had not felt our son move that night. My husband swore he felt him move though, but I knew differently. I went to my ob's office and they could not find his heart beat, so they wanted to do an ultrasound. There our beautiful son was laying motionless with no heart beat on the ultrasound screen. I remember the feelings that rushed through me, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, and deep sadness. Our sweet little boy was gone. How will i tell my husband who was rushing to get to the hospital that his son was dead. When my husband arrived there was this wave of emotions that went through us. I remember us sitting there sobbing and holding each other. Was this really real? Kyrie Lamar Shelton was born on July 29, 2016 at 6:53pm weighing 1 pound 13 ounces and 13inches long. He had a head full of hair, my nose, and looked so much like his daddy! He was beautiful and everything we have ever wanted. If you are reading this and too have lost a child whether it was at 8 weeks or 38 weeks, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that the road ahead is rough but to not give up. It is now up to you to keep your sweet child's memory alive. It will feel like everyone else has moved forward but your world has stopped. It will feel like you were robbed of a precious gift, and honestly you were. On the days were it feels like everyone has forgot about the child you were expecting, say his or her name loudly and proudly! Share their story and never ever let anyone make you feel like your child did not exist because they were born into God's arms. I don't know you but I want you to know that you and your baby are loved!
With lots of love,